Wednesday, 14th September, 2011

So long.

I've woken up at all hours of the night today, each time stranger than the last. In between consciousness I envisioned her. Secretly watching me in the darkness clocking in more reasons to fall in love with the creature that is me.
"He's crazy" She'll say. "He wakes up in the middle of the night continuously for no reason what so ever" I'll look stubborn and jaded on the other side of the couch….

Mutual understanding is one of the main factors of a healthy relationship anyways, not looking at each other but looking in the same direction. Of course this is all hypothetical. As are my possible plans for this day. Do I want to show my face on this campus just yet? Strut the earth like Kanye and possibly starve myself in the pursuit of something new and fascinating?

Or am I content to just sit here and write, read and wait for my obsession to wake up? Many, many decisions.

Babcock encourages a large amount of social impassivity in my person. I have my BU loves, I am in no rush to make any more, I in fact don't care at all to and it's such a shame, but more of a shame because I honestly don't care about the first shame in the first place. It's a cycle of general apathy, that looks quite good on me so I've never particularly been bothered to worry about it.
Yesterday, my Dad left with a stern look on his face "Get out of the house" I cocked a smile and replied "I will" Possibly not. It's a Wednesday, and I feel as though I've dreamt about this before, about this specific day, about her words, all of a sudden I'm hit with this huge noncommittal wave of dejavu and it excites me, because I'm pretty sure at the end of said dream I won the lottery and all was well once more in the house of Femi Smith's cranium.

It's not as if I don't have anything to do, all I have to do is pick up the phone and VIOLA, booze, drugs and sex. But the fact of the matter is.

I can not and will not be bothered.

And I would be just as not bothered if I actually partook in some sort of a social activity. The need that drove me before, the need to dance and party, and generally lose my mind in intoxicated disturbia has left me, and I all of a sudden feel quite ancient, and in turn pompous in my growth, like I should be a equipped with a walking and monocle and say things like "Hey there young man” while playing golf, walking stick and monocle dexterously glued to my being as I swing and scream "FETCH" at no one in particular.
I would've once had an issue with my doing nothing in the present moment, but I've been doing quite a lot these past couple of months, none of my activities could've been cited as a vacation.

Yes its been summer, blah blah blah, but all of those actions were mentally tasking, difficult in some realm of my life, here I can just lay on my king size bed, stare at the ceiling and just EXIST.

Falling in love can be mentally tasking for me. (this is a huge digress moment).

I haven't just 'existed' in so long. Thinking about it, we get so concerned about the smaller parts of life, success isn't a job, it's a journey, you should always take time for yourself, for your life, because perhaps if you work to hard and miss those moments now, when that success finally comes you'd find yourself willing to trade in all your hard work and crisp naira bills for just a few precious silent moments of your youth.

I greatly enjoy my youth, my speed and my vigor, and I take care of them in these silent moments, as I lay down and reflect, lighting up every atom in my body, thanking the earth and whoever created it for the gift of this day, of this serenity. Maybe its the sight of all these grand old people around me. Who knows?

But perhaps that's just the untrained “serious human’ in me, I've always been aware of time constraint, of wasted time, of depression over wasted time. Just existing helps me maintain the strength in my body and in my mind. I close off all bullshit and am content to just BE. I feel lucky to be able to do this, it's something lost on this generation, in the age of multi tasking, everyone is always busy, even when they're not. No one just chills, lays down, TV off, laptop all the way across the room, blackberry so basic there's no point in it even being in the same area as you and just breathes.

That's when all the greatest ideas come to me, in those silent moments, that’s when the greatest pictures are painted before me, when my conviction triples in mere moments of blissful tranquility. Especially when you know someone somewhere is thinking about you.

So for now, I’ll just chill. Live, Exist.

Bask in the Euphoria that has enveloped my life in the past 3 weeks.

Grow.

Transcend.

I start classes next week. And its in less than 4 months.

Join me? Get with the picture.

May the grass be green under your feet.
<3