Monday, 11 July 2011

As I Study.

I’m supposed to be studying. It’s 12:45am. I just came out of a big convo with the Dad, and I’m a bit on the edge now, but I’m not angry, just slightly amused. I might have let the steam loose with someone, but I’m on a BBM fast for a while, so here goes.

So I've been in school for about 6 weeks now and unlike my last semester I have been as serious as possible, my entire life has been about work, school and a few special persons on BBM. I rarely go out, I mind my own business and I keep to myself, completely out of the lime light, that's if you don't count the working and the writing, but at the same time that falls in line with my career so I cannot be judged because of that.

I have been a relatively good boy, a freaking monk some might say, at least compared to what I could be doing, at least compared to what most of YOU are doing. But despite all this.

People still find something to say about me.

The funny aspect is that in freaking reality, I’m just not anything you should worry about.

And I get that, it's Babcock, you people have nothing else to do but talk, I feel for you, I do BUT, if you're going to spread malicious rumors about me, even go as far as contacting an ex-girlfriend to share them in hopes of creating some sort of problem.

At least come up with something original, something juicy, and something worth my aggravation.

In the past 3 weeks, I’ve been accused of taking part in an armed robbery and sleeping with a close friend’s girlfriend.

Now, I have a “best” friend girl, and she also plays the role of my mother and sister when the situation calls for it, and because I never fight with her, because I refuse to stab her in the back, because I defend her when I hear slander, and because she spends time with me in the house alone.... then, I MUST be sleeping with her?

Must you corrupt everything?

I don't understand this.

Continue to slander me if you must, there is no such thing as bad publicity in this point of time in my life. Keep talking, it'll just get me more writing contracts, twitter follows etc but if you must talk, if you must fucking talk...-

At least come up with something worth my time.

And most of the people who spend so much time talking about the life and times Babafemi Smith have NEVER met or talked to me in person for more than 5 minutes.

And Armed Robbery? For real???

It's just so pathetic. And you don't even realize it.

Pathetic and incredibly sad.

Do you understand what I am trying to say?

When you spread rumors, in a way you are lying, therefore creating the most negative energy possible for yourself and your future, you fuck yourselves up without even realizing and because you've sown the seed of fuckery everything you touch will crumble, you'll find far too much unproductive free time on your hands and you'll continue to gossip, while the people you go on about transcend you in ways you couldn't ever have imagined for yourself.

Now do you understand what I'm trying to say?

If not, just please create some better stories about me ok?

I’m actually studying, and it feels incredibly new. I can truthfully say this is the first time I’m studying for any exam at all in my University life, and It feels good to work on something new. After all that seems to be what my entire life is about right now, the pursuit of "new", perhaps I shouldn't generalize it so, I mean on average I can be satisfied by the simplest of means, perhaps I meant to say is that I am on the hunt for something "new" in my percentage of human interaction. I'm always fucking with this person or that person, with no malicious intent of course, simply out of pure boredom. Human beings are the most dazzling of puzzles one can amuse one’s self with.

And I've always loved puzzles.

I'm going to write about all my exploits, it needs to be recorded before it is forgotten.

Moping achieves absolutely nothing.

I don't know why niggas keep on employing the use of it.

I'm Babafemi, I'm cosmopolitan, I'm determined to give myself everything I deserve, I won't lose, I won't let anyone win, all I have to do is ask and it will be mine, I understand that small part of this gigantic world, I understand that part of my soul. Ask and it shall be given. The age old tale of success within one’s self.

There's not really a lot to say once you've said that.

Stuff’s been going on here and there, and I find myself just standing and watching as it all flows around me. Like in those speed shots where the world is buzzing and this one human being is just standing there staring. I've become easily detachable, easily bored and more unwilling to invest in other human beings emotionally.

It's simply nothing new to me, same book different cover. This one cat said there's something Hitler-ish about me, it's probably the attitude. I've discovered that since I'm so ME... I can get away with saying a lot, a lot meaning the truth. I took it as a compliment. Well, yeah.

I'm becoming one of those men I always wanted to be. Those boys in the American sitcoms, with the freedom, the style, the attitude and it's just so strange how naturally it came, and the uncanny ability to be in really cool places at really cool times, without really caring. I've achieved the perfect level on nonchalance.

I met a few “tweeps” in the library the other day, and I was fucking amazed at the impression they had of me. Just because I write in a manner don’t mean I can’t chat shit and be down to earth. At the end of the day you're all human beings just like I am so I don't give a fuck who you are, Femi will always be Femi ya get me? I'm too down to earth man. I’ve made mistakes. I make the occasional grammatical errors every now or then, and one of those errors being allowing my stupidity to un-focus me from what I am in Uni to do.

So I can have my life, but you're still aware of my existence. Just be aware. Know that yes, guys like me have survived the mass cultural cattle take over and hold fast to my intelligence. I’m not going to get less than B’s in any course this sem. Under the marijuana haze, my sick mind is still brilliant.

Because yeah I'm tough, it's something my mind is learning to exploit, it's like a new toy. Before it was just there you know, I wasn't really sure if I was and I didn't really care. I thought about other things writing, hollywood, fashion, drugs and music, philosophy, history, Art, Football Manager and Age of Empires. And oh, It isn’t really a new toy. I had a scholarship almost throughout my high school

I haven't had successful sex in like 800 years. It'll be the icing on the cake when I finally get some damn ass.

Too many niggas and not enough hoes.

I need to go back to reading. It’s a bit discomfiting, to say the least, but yeah. But I’ve learned not to be afraid of discomfort. Don't be afraid of discomfort; especially if it turns out be lucrative. You have to have a balance you know? Nothing worthwhile comes without work, nothing real, nothing lasting comes without difficulties.

Funny enough... I miss you. But I'm gonna be strong. Cause I want nothing but honesty.

Thank Him for today, tomorrow and yesterday.

Especially tomorrow.


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