Tuesday 21 December 2010

5.15 am.

It 5:15 am.

I have to sit down on my bed and wrack my brain for something, anything to write. Does that mean I have nothing to write at all? No, it only means, my mind is jumbled, the way is unclear, and ironically the only way to clear it, is to write. Smoke maybe? I’m on a fast. And I’ll stalling on ending that fast till I get someone, anybody, who is ready to smoke, mind fuck and make the fucking fast worth it.

My life should be an epic Greek-God bedtime story.

Those are some pretty heavy words, but everyday does feel like Friday the 13th, blazingly sunny days,, friends, dogs running through the streets playing, powerful black oily faces shining in the sun.

I'm homeless.

I’m guessing this is me growing up, really knowing what I want, and finally gritting my teeth and admitting what exactly I have to do and not do to get what I want. Something’s are unhealthy for you, emotionally, physically, stay away from trash.

I've had some pretty harrowing experiences in my day, and worry and lust led me to all of those dragons. Led me into the mouth of all those monsters. I've survived, but as always, you learn from your actions. Control yourself, control the world. My adventures are expanding. My tongue stings and burns, vivid pictures from my the piercing keep crossing my mind. The blood, my life. The randomness of the piercing. The total senselessness of it. Which lead’s me to what my Dad said when he saw the piercing.

Femi, you need a friend. A friend who would love you and tell you the truth.

I'm a very passionate person, at least when in the moment, loneliness has always been my portion, I've wanted nothing until I needed nothing, so to go without is not an issue, but I can appreciate those around me, I can feel deep love in those actions.

But my kinda love is untranslatable. When you're here, I'll feel you for hours, when you're gone, I'll remember with a smile. There is no pain in my heart, there is no longing, there is no lust. Just simple appreciation for the gift that is 'us'.

Two human beings intertwined underneath the sun, two souls speaking familiar words of eternity, creating energy to be carried for the days to come. Why can't we connect like that anymore? Why is this so rare? Why is all about, wifeys, and babies, and boyfriends and girlfriends? Why can't we just retire to the feelings that have been transmitted between the two races of the human species for tens of thousands of years?

Why can't we just love?

I'm actually very romantic, but I always find my romance shackled by our modern day interpretation of this word. Just because we talk, skype like shit. Just because I enjoy kissing your neck, just because I enjoy holding your hand, tangling my legs with yours, burrowing my face in the crook of your back in the middle of the night, tracing your back with idle thoughts of your deep power plowing my soul...doesn't mean...that I want to be your boyfriend.

It just means that I love you.

Now when I say I love you, it doesn't constitute marriage, it doesn't constitute restraints of any kind, it just means that my soul loves your soul, my energy fits well with yours, and I love you like I love myself, it just means...that I love the person that you are, and the person that you will be, it just means that I’m in love with your energy.


Love has no script, no restrictions.

At least not in my world.

So fill me with your love, fill me with your thoughts, fill me with that pulse of power and lets create a new language. Have me speaking in tongues. The smile is back on my face, and I wonder if you'll last, or if the magnitude of my vision of this world will go over your head, and you'll be lost to the masses. All I can do is hope I suppose.

Hope that you understand that I don't need you. I don't want you.

I just enjoy you. You should enjoy me.

My tongue hurts. So Long. So Long.


Its Me, Who Knows You So Well.

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