Monday 27 September 2010

Full Swing.


I almost gave up writing. Laziness and all. But then, I was meant to do this... So there. I really need to start Yoga again.

So I've decided to give up on sex. Which means a great deal considering how much I used to enjoy it, but in the face of all this movement there's a huge sense of displacement weighing heavily on my back and I found that sex neither contributed or took away from this. It had no effect on my being at all, so what on earth is the point of even partaking in it? You know, when the sex ain't sexy anymore? It's lost it's meaning, even the over boding sense of serenity has passed. It is unimportant, it's meaning is flushed down the drain. I need to fall back in love with it. Or simply fall more in love with myself.

And tell myself the truth. The bitter fucking truth.

School's moving into full swing. I'm excited about the knowledge to be garnered. I feel less concern with the idea of going out, of socializing, it is not important, only work, only real meaning and the path to the enlightenment matters to me now.

I feel the clarity. These past couple of days here had certainly discombobulated me, I was unsure what to feel you know? Happy? Sad? Resentful? I was still confused, would wake up thinking I was still not in school. Bad. Harrowing.

Yesterday I realized that I'm totally an intellect racist, I don't try and make friends anymore, I feel as though if we were meant to interact we would, there's no need for a conscious effort on my part, the light will shine on you if it is meant to, but if I perceive your actions and general state of being as idiotic you will be treated like the plague. With an understanding smile with an undertone of pity.

Shallow minds.

I met a girl yesterday who told me she didn't like reading books. I never responded to her.

Investing in your own slavery.

Adorning your physical with all these treasures, forgetting the true masterpiece is within.

Lost.

May the light guide your path.

Fin.

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